Oh god it gets better and better every minute

If only they hadn’t pronounced CCCP as Latin letters

Born on the eighteenth of December 1878,
Joseph mother fuckin’ Stalin always knew he’d be great.
He was Georgian born,
To a cobbler in Gori.
It’s kind of ironic,
Looking back on his story.
At the age of sixteen,
He went to a seminary.
And rebelled against religion,
As he thought it wasn’t necessary.
Expelled in ‘99,
After missing his finals.
He didn’t pay his dues, and said,
“Yo, fuck your Bibles.”

Shortly thereafter, Stalin picked up some Lenin,
The society he had known, he began to question.
A Marxist Revolutionary he was made,
And he later joined Lenin’s little brigade.
Bolsheviks they’re called,
Not that Menshevik shit.
At the Second Party Congress,
They decided to split.
Now an outlaw to the Tsar,
He was a chief operative.
Robbing banks and planning strikes,
He was uncooperative.

He adopted the name Stalin,
From the Russia word for steel.
On his published works,
He had his real name to conceal.
Now General Secretary of the Communist Committee,
He consolidated power to gain his authority.
Before the core had realized what he had done,
Mr. Stalin had made his move, and the committee, it was run,
In the way that Stalin wanted to rise into power,
With Lenin on his deathbed all good morals were devoured.

Lenin died in ‘24 and Stalin’s plan had just begun,
He killed off old leaders, it seemed like nothing could be done.
Enemies of the people, put into exile,
Leon Trotsky was among them, and became hostile.
Harassing Joseph Stalin, he thought he was slick,
That was until he was killed with an ice pick.
These purges and repressions continued through the ’30s,
He killed off all the threats and showed them no mercy.
Stalin was now the sole intellectual power,
He fucked their shit up like mother fuckin’ Jack Bauer.

Rapid industrialization was now Stalin’s objective,
The agriculture industry became one that was collective.
Five Year Plan came about to compete with other nations,
But it ultimately took a swing at the human population.
Man-made famine spread and work camps sprang about,
If enemy protests started, Mr. Stalin would burn ‘em out.
Countless millions of deaths all in the hands of one man,
Can we take this bitch out before he fucks up all the land?

Non-aggression pact in ‘39,
Poland they would divide,
Hitler and Stalin, they thought they were on the same side
“It’s bad,” Stalin’s men would advise,
“This pact could lead to demise.”
Stalin didn’t give a fuck,
He had faith in the Wehrmacht.
Well 1941 came, as well as the attack,
Stalin didn’t see it coming; He was taken aback.
It took a little time to get the Soviets back on track,
But by then, Ukraine and Belarus were in Hitler’s sack.
But in 1943, Stalingrad had turned the tides,
And Hitler’s little conquests had begun to subside.
But these Red Army victories all came at a cost,
A significant number of civilians in the war were lost.

Teheran, Yalta, and Potsdam Conference,
Fixing up Europe was the Allies major province.
Eastern Europe would be given to the Soviet Union,
Germany was divided which put the East in ruin.
Stalin’s old ways continued across the land,
In the Eastern Blockade, democracy was banned.
But the Soviets decided, after much cogitation,
That Stalin had to go, ‘53 assassination.

SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG

ok